(FIRST GROUP'S) GREAT WESTERN RAILWAY ON TOP FORM

Here's a fabulous evening's service out of London for my family, waiting to join me here in Bath:

The 39 minutes' delay to the 2130 is due to "A broken down train earlier today"; the cancellation of the 2227 is due to "A borken down train"; the delay to the 2321 is due to "A broken down train earlier today".

These operators don't know how to run a railway - but they sure know how to make profits from not maintaining trains, and therefore not running them.

... and they make an announcement on the 2321 arrival saying "We have to let crew have a 20 minute break" ... oh that's all right, then ... not enough well-maintained trains; not enough crew ... 

... do they expect sympathy?

COUNTRY RAILWAY HAS FAULTY TRAINS

I don't seem to be getting the courtesy of replies from 'First' Great Western when I take the trouble to write to them - so this is where my observations will have to reside in future (unless, of course, I need some retribution from them)....

So here I was today at Avoncliff Station, waiting for my usual weekly service to Bath Spa.  I pressed the button for the recorded announcements, and was told that the train was delayed by (at the time) 36 minutes!  36 minutes on a country railway!!!  

Surely, for a railway service that is:

• Adequately resourced
• Adequately maintained, and
• Adequately staffed

... delays like this just shouldn't happen.  Let's see what our Railway Company told us ...  

... "This train has been delayed by a fault on this train".  So, if they're telling the truth - and I know they frequently don't - it's the adequate maintenance that we have to put the cross against.

Pathetic, isn't it? - And they simply don't seem to care.

'FIRST' GREAT WESTERN DREADFUL SERVICE

You would think, wouldn't you, that standing on an isolated country platform late at night in the cold; waiting for a train that turns out to be nearly one hour late, and a so-called 'Help Point' that doesn't work was ground for complaint.

But the company that used to call itself First Great Western - the same company that used to claim it was 'transforming travel' - apparently doesn't think it grounds for complaint at all.  Here is the text of a letter we sent to the Company that has transformed itself into Great Western Railway:

Apparently 'signalling problems' caused the extreme delay to this 'service'.  As I understand it, these were in the Southampton area, so how come the delay increased even more in the Westbury area, causing a delayed final arrival of over one hour at Bath?

You will wish to pass the blame, no doubt, on others in the railway industry - but how come, when I arrived at Dilton Marsh for my wait, did your so-called 'Help Point' on the platform not work at all?

This was a miserable effort by an organisation that is happy to pay dividends to shareholders; is vigilant in everything to do with 'revenue protection', but is lacking in basic customer service.

No pitiful refund, please.

You are managing my expectations downwards very effectively.

That was back in November.  So far we have not had the courtesy of a response.  Maybe their 'customer relations' people find the multiple points raised too complex to process.  So, we are posting our comments here for you to decide.

They're transforming travel all right.

SOUTHERN PUT ON TRAIN WITH NO BOGS

Southern's service from Brighton to Portsmouth is an hour-and-a-quarter's slog along the south coast. Never mind - the trains all have two wc's, so if you're caught short there should be no problem - even if one of the facilities is temporarily out of action.

Not so on Saturday 4th June on the 1903 service out of Brighton.  We noticed lots of warnings about staff shortages leading to cancellations on Sunday - (this is a sure sign of a franchise company not doing their job well) - but there were no warnings about our train.  So we boarded, having previously enjoyed a drink nearby.

Somewhere near Lancing, Your Correspondent wanted to visit the lavatory.  The nearest facility was marked 'Out of Order'; the second facility, further forward, was locked.  We waited.  Eventually, we knocked.  No reply.  

Oh dear, what to do?  Urgent.

Further back, a uniformed official remarked that the Operator had a choice of putting the train out with no lavs, or cancelling it (no spare units, you see - Southern's short of them, as well as staff on Sundays).  The only thing to do was leave the train at the next station, and then catch the next train.  (He forgot to mention that there were no faciltities in most of the stations, either).  If I did this, I would miss my vital onward connection at Fratton.

Your correspondent was forced to make his own arrangements, for which he apologises.

Here are the facts:

Southern Railway could not maintain a train adequately to ensure that at least one of the two facilities were operational.
Southern Railway could not make announcements on the platform, or on the train, about their inadequacy.

Quite simply pathetic, in our view.

25TH MAY: JOBSWORTH ON THE AVONCLIFF TRAIN

Even the nicest people can be jobsworths at times:
I got on the 1753 from Avoncliff to Bath today, just out of a wonderful music session at the Cross Guns.  I was trying to remember the tune Sussex By the Sea, which we had just been playing, so I took out my instrument and played it so quietly - just a few notes to remember the melody - much quieter than the surrounding conversation.  But the spiky-haired Conductor/Senior Official/Guard (whatever they call them), leaned over and sarcastically advised me that 'We don't have an entertainment license'.  
She would not have said that if I had been talking louder, or singing louder - but she saw an instrument and had to come out with it.  I was not entertaining anybody - I was trying to remember a tune, for f--ksake!

But then I realised - sitting in the seat in front of me was GWR's (as they now like to call themselves) 'Adam -----; Graduate Management Trainee' - bless her; the Conductor/Senior Official/Guard (whatever they call them) was just trying to show Adam she knew the rules!!  Bless!!!

oh yes - and just so they read it - here are the keywords: Security Security Security

It works! only up for a few moments, and it's had loads of hits.

SECURITY AT THE BORDER

Here's a hilarious exchange that recently happened when I was passing through Portsmouth en route to France.
You'll know they do those utterly symbolic 'searches' of vehicles just before you board the ship .... a precaution that, strangely, does not happen on the return journey .... well, how about this exchange between myself and a 'security' officer (whom it is relevant to state could hardly speak English):

'Security' Officer:  Do you have any knives in the car?
Country Doctor:  What do you mean by 'knives'?
'Security' Officer:  You know, illegal knives.
Country Doctor:  No I don't, what are 'illegal' knives?'
'Security' Officer [demonstrating a thorough knowledge of the law]:  You know, knives with long blades.
Country Doctor:  I've got lots of palette knives in the back - I'm an artist.  Are they illegal?
'Security' Officer:  'Palette Knife' .... what is that?

I then saw a rather humourless looking bloke in uniform and a gun listening in from an adjacent room, so showed the 'Security' Officer my palette knives.  Although he hadn't a clue what they were for, he was satisfied.

On the way back, the French border staff were clearly quite happy that I take any number of knives - illegal or not - onto the ship.  They don't bother with such inane operations, that are clearly simply designed to demonstrate that Britain needs to keep fighting its heroic war against 'terror'.

ANOTHER SECURITY ANNOUNCEMENT

Whilst we are pleased to report that, since our last posting and countless letters to First Great Western, there has been a noticeable reduction in verbal flatulence from their train crews, we are sorry to reveal this corker from a 'sister company' (for that's what I believe we have to call train operators in this whizzo private age).

We were travelling south last Saturday on Virgin's service from Inverness to London, when the following premium guff came from the on-board catering outlet, which had been making over-loud announcements all the way through the Scottish Lowlands:

This is a Security Announcement.
The Buffet will be closing in twenty minutes to allow a change-round of crew ...

You won't need any more demonstration of being out-securitied than this. 



PS - we love the fact that this site has had plenty of hits from the powers that be, owing to our liberal use of the word 'security'.  Hi guys!  Keep spooking!