Here's a hilarious exchange that recently happened when I was passing through Portsmouth en route to France.
You'll know they do those utterly symbolic 'searches' of vehicles just before you board the ship .... a precaution that, strangely, does not happen on the return journey .... well, how about this exchange between myself and a 'security' officer (whom it is relevant to state could hardly speak English):
'Security' Officer: Do you have any knives in the car?
Country Doctor: What do you mean by 'knives'?
'Security' Officer: You know, illegal knives.
Country Doctor: No I don't, what are 'illegal' knives?'
'Security' Officer [demonstrating a thorough knowledge of the law]: You know, knives with long blades.
Country Doctor: I've got lots of palette knives in the back - I'm an artist. Are they illegal?
'Security' Officer: 'Palette Knife' .... what is that?
I then saw a rather humourless looking bloke in uniform and a gun listening in from an adjacent room, so showed the 'Security' Officer my palette knives. Although he hadn't a clue what they were for, he was satisfied.
On the way back, the French border staff were clearly quite happy that I take any number of knives - illegal or not - onto the ship. They don't bother with such inane operations, that are clearly simply designed to demonstrate that Britain needs to keep fighting its heroic war against 'terror'.
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