'GREATER ANGLIA' - 'REPLACEMENT' 'SERVICE' BY RED BUS DRIVEN BY ONE-HANDED DRIVER!

This is one of the most cynical examples of 'couldn't-care-less' attitude by a current private rail franchisee.  When I say 'couldn't-care-less', I don't just mean about passengers, but about sub-contractors as well.

The date is 31st December 2018 - New Year's Eve - and a problem has occurred on the busy line between Southend and London Liverpool Street.  A replacement bus service has been 'arranged'.  This is where the fun begins:

At Southend Airport (where I started my journey after a flight from Switzerland), there was no advice about how long a bus journey might take - and certainly no advice about taking the alternative rail route from Southend Victoria - a bus ride away.

From Southend Airport to Liverpool Street takes 58 minutes, and costs nearly £17.
From Southend Victoria to Fenchurch Street takes 63 minutes, and costs the same, plus a short bus ride.  Read on, and see which would have been the better choice ...

In the circumstances, the jobsworth in the ticket cabin could have made the choices a lot clearer.  Instead, he doled out the tickets at full price.

The bus then turned up.  A standard red double-decker, with no special provision for airport travellers.  No assistance to disabled passengers (my wife has just had a replacement knee operation), and most had to lug their cases upstairs.

The uncommunicative driver then set off, and spend the majority of the journey map-reading from a computer printout he held in his left hand.  Unbelievable?  I was sitting in the very front seats, and have a high-res video of him struggling to manipulate the steering wheel, the map, and his other controls.  When darkness fell, he just switched on the interior lights so he could carry on reading his map.

Clearly the railway company had not bothered to check on whether their sub-contractor (actually, Abellio, who have a majority ownership of the Greater Anglia outfit) who ran the buses on the behalf had route knowledge.

At one point, in some forgettable place in Essex, the driver took a wrong turning, and added 15 minutes to our journey.

The total journey time? Over 2 and a half hours - on a packed London bus, with passengers standing.

We heard that one of the 'coaches' had not turned up - so this was a skeletal service.  Every operator involved was clearly on the make, and the 'customers' (as they like to call us) were pawns in their cash-saving game.

Dereliction of duty? - Here is the list, and I hold 'Greater Anglia' (as they like to call themselves), guilty on each count:

• Failure to advise 'customers' of the options for travel available to them
• 
  
• Failure to engage a bus operator who could provide a satisfactory vehicle, given the time of the journey, and the amount of luggage that would inevitable be boarding at an airport
• 
  
• Failure to engage a bus operator that could employ drivers with adequate route knowledge
• 
  
• Failure to engage a bus operator that could employ drivers who would drive with due care and attention (ie without a map in their left hand for the bulk of the journey)
• 
  
• Failure to engage a bus operator that could employ drivers who knew that standing passengers were not permitted on certain roads on the route

This is the most cynical dereliction of duty I have seen in compiling this blog.

REVENUE PROTECTION OR SERVICE DELIVERY

Last Tuesday - 23rd January - First Group's Great Western franchise excelled itself in placing revenue protection above Service Delivery.

OUTWARD journey - my new 'IET' train (short for INEPT) arrived at Bath Spa around 30 minutes late due to 'train late leaving depot'.  Evidently early morning departures are beasts to manage.

RETURN journey - at 4.40 pm I find myself shuffling out of Bath Spa's gateline ticket machines - I feed my ticket into the machine as one should - it fails to open.  A character called 'Adam' in GWR regalia accosts me outside the station after first letting me through and accuses me, in public, of not having put a ticket into the machine.  He's watched by a pigtailed teddy-bear faced colleague who clearly put him up to this.

"Are you accusing me, Adam?"
    "No - but I'd like you to step back inside"
"I'm not going to do that.  So what are you going to do?"
    "I'll be looking at you next time you come through"

Thanks, Adam, for the courtesy.  Yours might not be in the most rewarding job in the world, but that's no excuse for taking it out on me and making a poor experience of the First Group on this day even poorer.

Shameful.

DECEMBER 2017: THE GREAT WESTERN IEP TRAIN COMPLETE BALLSUP

The Doctor has been to London for a few days, and got the opportunity to travel on one of GWR's much trumpeted IEP trains.
Ghastly - and all because of their pathetic management.

Going up to town, I arrived at my local station with my seat reservation.  The signs said it was travelling in reverse formation, and first class would be at the rear ... but of which unit - the front one, or the rear one?  The platform staff did not know, and they told me they were frustrated at not knowing the train formations.  (In the Continent, of course, this sort of thing is second nature).

I got on board after guessing where the carriage might stop.  No seat reservations were on the seats.  Scrum.

I went to the WC - after committing myself (as it were), I discovered too late that there was no loo roll; no water, no drier and no towels.  I had no alternative but to dry my hands on the upholstery of the new deeply (wrong word - they're not deep) unpleasant seats.

Coming back from town - the same sort of thing:  I entered my coach to find no seat reservations were indicated.  There was some real anger amongst people fighting for seats they thought were theirs.  I asked the 'train manager' (joke, surely - manager of what?) what was up with the reservation system.  He said it was uploaded correctly, but he didn't know they weren't being displayed - for goodness sake, was he not supposed to check these things?  Too busy managing, I suppose.

Great Western (ex 'First' Great Western) have spent a fortune on publicity for this wretched service - and they clearly can't yet deliver it properly.  This is crass management of a privatised company that is excellent at self-publicity; excellent at protecting its revenue - yet piss-poor at being able to deliver its service properly.

16TH SEPTEMBER - OUR GREAT WESTERN RAILWAY TRANSFORMS TRAVEL ONCE MORE

Mrs Doctor and I leave a very enjoyable family wedding reception early to be sure of catching the 2227 train from London to Bath.

We arrived at Paddington at 2215: it's CANCELLED.  Whaaaattt!  No reasons on the illuminated board.

Let's see if some of the uniformed servants can tell us why:

... at the ticket barrier - "no idea";
to some Police officers - "We don't know but it wouldn't surprise us with this lot";
to the bloke at the 'information' desk - "No idea - it's probably due to staff shortages - you know, diagrams...." 
Well, that's the best we got.

So we waited over an hour for the last train of the day (notice they don't cancel that one, as it costs a fortune in taxi fares).  Once again in this Age of Information, the Senior Conductor had no idea why the previous 'service' had been cancelled, but also guessed it was to do with the staff shortages.  The other fascinating fact about this last train is that it was re-routed via Oxford, so it was well after 2 in the morning when we pulled into Bath - an hour later than the normal schedule, and two hours later than we had planned.

The inevitable conclusion is that this is an Operator who knows it is well worth knocking off a few trains in order to reduce 'customer' expectations - and it is much more profitable to knock off the next-to-last than the last train.

I'm used to getting replies from this outfit's complaints department telling me that they're not obliged to give compensation - as if I'm desperate for their vouchers.  All I want is a service that I can respect and rely on.  But I am writing, and if I get a reply, I'll post it here.

Fingers crossed.

(FIRST GROUP'S) GREAT WESTERN RAILWAY ON TOP FORM

Here's a fabulous evening's service out of London for my family, waiting to join me here in Bath:

The 39 minutes' delay to the 2130 is due to "A broken down train earlier today"; the cancellation of the 2227 is due to "A borken down train"; the delay to the 2321 is due to "A broken down train earlier today".

These operators don't know how to run a railway - but they sure know how to make profits from not maintaining trains, and therefore not running them.

... and they make an announcement on the 2321 arrival saying "We have to let crew have a 20 minute break" ... oh that's all right, then ... not enough well-maintained trains; not enough crew ... 

... do they expect sympathy?

COUNTRY RAILWAY HAS FAULTY TRAINS

I don't seem to be getting the courtesy of replies from 'First' Great Western when I take the trouble to write to them - so this is where my observations will have to reside in future (unless, of course, I need some retribution from them)....

So here I was today at Avoncliff Station, waiting for my usual weekly service to Bath Spa.  I pressed the button for the recorded announcements, and was told that the train was delayed by (at the time) 36 minutes!  36 minutes on a country railway!!!  

Surely, for a railway service that is:

• Adequately resourced
• Adequately maintained, and
• Adequately staffed

... delays like this just shouldn't happen.  Let's see what our Railway Company told us ...  

... "This train has been delayed by a fault on this train".  So, if they're telling the truth - and I know they frequently don't - it's the adequate maintenance that we have to put the cross against.

Pathetic, isn't it? - And they simply don't seem to care.

'FIRST' GREAT WESTERN DREADFUL SERVICE

You would think, wouldn't you, that standing on an isolated country platform late at night in the cold; waiting for a train that turns out to be nearly one hour late, and a so-called 'Help Point' that doesn't work was ground for complaint.

But the company that used to call itself First Great Western - the same company that used to claim it was 'transforming travel' - apparently doesn't think it grounds for complaint at all.  Here is the text of a letter we sent to the Company that has transformed itself into Great Western Railway:

Apparently 'signalling problems' caused the extreme delay to this 'service'.  As I understand it, these were in the Southampton area, so how come the delay increased even more in the Westbury area, causing a delayed final arrival of over one hour at Bath?

You will wish to pass the blame, no doubt, on others in the railway industry - but how come, when I arrived at Dilton Marsh for my wait, did your so-called 'Help Point' on the platform not work at all?

This was a miserable effort by an organisation that is happy to pay dividends to shareholders; is vigilant in everything to do with 'revenue protection', but is lacking in basic customer service.

No pitiful refund, please.

You are managing my expectations downwards very effectively.

That was back in November.  So far we have not had the courtesy of a response.  Maybe their 'customer relations' people find the multiple points raised too complex to process.  So, we are posting our comments here for you to decide.

They're transforming travel all right.

SOUTHERN PUT ON TRAIN WITH NO BOGS

Southern's service from Brighton to Portsmouth is an hour-and-a-quarter's slog along the south coast. Never mind - the trains all have two wc's, so if you're caught short there should be no problem - even if one of the facilities is temporarily out of action.

Not so on Saturday 4th June on the 1903 service out of Brighton.  We noticed lots of warnings about staff shortages leading to cancellations on Sunday - (this is a sure sign of a franchise company not doing their job well) - but there were no warnings about our train.  So we boarded, having previously enjoyed a drink nearby.

Somewhere near Lancing, Your Correspondent wanted to visit the lavatory.  The nearest facility was marked 'Out of Order'; the second facility, further forward, was locked.  We waited.  Eventually, we knocked.  No reply.  

Oh dear, what to do?  Urgent.

Further back, a uniformed official remarked that the Operator had a choice of putting the train out with no lavs, or cancelling it (no spare units, you see - Southern's short of them, as well as staff on Sundays).  The only thing to do was leave the train at the next station, and then catch the next train.  (He forgot to mention that there were no faciltities in most of the stations, either).  If I did this, I would miss my vital onward connection at Fratton.

Your correspondent was forced to make his own arrangements, for which he apologises.

Here are the facts:

Southern Railway could not maintain a train adequately to ensure that at least one of the two facilities were operational.
Southern Railway could not make announcements on the platform, or on the train, about their inadequacy.

Quite simply pathetic, in our view.

25TH MAY: JOBSWORTH ON THE AVONCLIFF TRAIN

Even the nicest people can be jobsworths at times:
I got on the 1753 from Avoncliff to Bath today, just out of a wonderful music session at the Cross Guns.  I was trying to remember the tune Sussex By the Sea, which we had just been playing, so I took out my instrument and played it so quietly - just a few notes to remember the melody - much quieter than the surrounding conversation.  But the spiky-haired Conductor/Senior Official/Guard (whatever they call them), leaned over and sarcastically advised me that 'We don't have an entertainment license'.  
She would not have said that if I had been talking louder, or singing louder - but she saw an instrument and had to come out with it.  I was not entertaining anybody - I was trying to remember a tune, for f--ksake!

But then I realised - sitting in the seat in front of me was GWR's (as they now like to call themselves) 'Adam -----; Graduate Management Trainee' - bless her; the Conductor/Senior Official/Guard (whatever they call them) was just trying to show Adam she knew the rules!!  Bless!!!

oh yes - and just so they read it - here are the keywords: Security Security Security

It works! only up for a few moments, and it's had loads of hits.

SECURITY AT THE BORDER

Here's a hilarious exchange that recently happened when I was passing through Portsmouth en route to France.
You'll know they do those utterly symbolic 'searches' of vehicles just before you board the ship .... a precaution that, strangely, does not happen on the return journey .... well, how about this exchange between myself and a 'security' officer (whom it is relevant to state could hardly speak English):

'Security' Officer:  Do you have any knives in the car?
Country Doctor:  What do you mean by 'knives'?
'Security' Officer:  You know, illegal knives.
Country Doctor:  No I don't, what are 'illegal' knives?'
'Security' Officer [demonstrating a thorough knowledge of the law]:  You know, knives with long blades.
Country Doctor:  I've got lots of palette knives in the back - I'm an artist.  Are they illegal?
'Security' Officer:  'Palette Knife' .... what is that?

I then saw a rather humourless looking bloke in uniform and a gun listening in from an adjacent room, so showed the 'Security' Officer my palette knives.  Although he hadn't a clue what they were for, he was satisfied.

On the way back, the French border staff were clearly quite happy that I take any number of knives - illegal or not - onto the ship.  They don't bother with such inane operations, that are clearly simply designed to demonstrate that Britain needs to keep fighting its heroic war against 'terror'.

ANOTHER SECURITY ANNOUNCEMENT

Whilst we are pleased to report that, since our last posting and countless letters to First Great Western, there has been a noticeable reduction in verbal flatulence from their train crews, we are sorry to reveal this corker from a 'sister company' (for that's what I believe we have to call train operators in this whizzo private age).

We were travelling south last Saturday on Virgin's service from Inverness to London, when the following premium guff came from the on-board catering outlet, which had been making over-loud announcements all the way through the Scottish Lowlands:

This is a Security Announcement.
The Buffet will be closing in twenty minutes to allow a change-round of crew ...

You won't need any more demonstration of being out-securitied than this. 



PS - we love the fact that this site has had plenty of hits from the powers that be, owing to our liberal use of the word 'security'.  Hi guys!  Keep spooking!

TRANSCRIPT OF PRIVATE PIKE'S NATIONAL SECURITY ANNOUNCEMENT

First Great Western are to be congratulated on their serious promotion of Security awareness.  I am particularly impressed by the dedication of one of their 'train managers' in particular: I speak of Private Pike, as I call him - he of the early morning Bristol to Swansea train on 10 March, and other times.  

Pike (so named because of his uncanny resemblance to the Dad's army character, especially when wearing his winter muffler) unlike most of his colleagues, who carelessly prefer to leave passengers alone to enjoy their journeys, always treats his lucky listeners to a speech that must have them quaking from fear about who might be sitting next to them.

Here is a transcript of Pike's work this morning:



This is an important security announcement.  Please do not leave any items unattended on any train or at any station as this can cause unnecessary security alerts and result in these items being removed without warning; damaged or destroyed by the security services.  Should you become aware of any suspicious items; or anyone acting suspiciously, please inform a member of the railway staff or the police immediately.  Please also be mindful of the whereabouts of all of your personal belongings at all times as opportunist thieves do operate throughout the UK rail network.

There are two quiet coaches on board: A in the standard class at the rear, and G in first class to the front.  If you are in either of these quiet coaches please ensure that your mobile phone is switched to silent, and if you need to take a call, step into the vestibule area or an alternative coach.  Noise and conversation levels should also be kept to a minimum whilst in the quiet coaches.

Is there such a thing as an 'unimportant' security announcement?
Who are these 'security services' he speaks of, and where are these police officers we should inform - are they all travelling incognito?  Why do they damage peoples' property? What does 'acting suspiciously' mean? - speaking in a foreign tongue? - having a long beard? - wearing sunglasses? - spending too long in the loo?  
I am especially grateful for his well-researched advice that thieves are everywhere on the network.

Personally, I would like to ask Pike to occupy one of his quiet coaches, and stop boring us with his unnecessary and frankly patronising guff.